I ended a relationship, and felt nothing for three weeks. Now I feel like my heart has been burned. Not a little burn, but an engulfing white hot, not even a cinder remains, burned. I know that the relationship had issues and would never of ended in a marriage like he would of liked so it was best for me to end the engagement but still, I feel hollow and ashen. I can't even cry for the loss I feel just blasted by the end of it all, for the future that never could of been.. It's like the crushing realization and devastating finality of the end finally hit me and I can't escape the pain that I inflicted upon him and me. I can't breathe, can't shake the sadness, can't go back, can't go forward.
Can't show the girls or anyone else how much this hurts me or the depth of my sadness.
I ache to talk to him and to make him feel better, to make my own heart feel better, to apologize to cry to hold him and see his face again.
But I can't. I would either be shut out completely or worse for both of us, back together.
How do I move forward? How do I heal?
I found a line from a girlfriend tonight, and it was so fitting for how I feel:
"I want you whole–not just held together because I am willing to cut myself into pieces to paste together your cracks." Lacee
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